Weve Talked About The Road
Now Let's talk about the air.
There are a few things I would SERIOUSLY change about air travel.
1) People who have never flown before should have special hats they are required to wear. That way, we experienced flyers know who to avoid if we dont have extra patience, or extra time. (Sometimes I can explain how airport worksometimes I cantI have a connection to make.)
2) SMOKERS (you nasty bastards) need to be relegated to wearing radiation suits once they come into the secured area.
I dont smoke. I dont want to sit next to a nasty-smelling smoker for 4 hours on a flight.
(I fly Southwest, and they sympathize with people like me. They will make you move if Im seated first and you WILL be embarrassed [its happened before] because NO ONE wants to sit by a smelly smoker.
3) People who STAND UP before the plane doors are opened should be shot on the spot. Why are you standing up, sticking your ass in my face? You cant go anywhere yet, the doors are still sealed!!!
4) Loudly talking on your cell phone in the gated area would be a criminal offense. I dont care how awesome you think your trip to Vegas will be. I dont care how much you love and/or miss you significant otherjust shut up! EVERYONE in the world has text messaginguse that.
5) You average number of flights flown in a month should correspond directly with the number of complementary alcoholic beverages you are allowed.
6) People trying REPEATEDLY to talk to someone who DOESNT WANT to talk should be punished. Being friendly is one thing, being obnoxious is a totally different creature.
7) If you dont listen to the flight attendant when he or she asks you to turn off you electronic devices, he or she should have EVERY right to chop your head off ON THE SPOT. Its federal law to comply with any crew member instructionsthey say it IN THEIR SPIEL!!!!
8) Severe discounts and preferred security line placement should be given to flyers who can recite said spiel from memory.
In case you cant tell, I fly A LOT. And I get it, everyone is new to flying at some time, but geez. Please understand that flying is NOT a complicated process. And if you dont know what to do there is AMPLE signage in every airport that will point you in the right direction.
And if all else fails, ask an employee. But please, leave the seasoned travelers alone. We get tired of your dumb questionswe arent getting paid.
And a little bit of general courtesy will go MILES AND MILES AND MILES.
There are a few things I would SERIOUSLY change about air travel.
1) People who have never flown before should have special hats they are required to wear. That way, we experienced flyers know who to avoid if we dont have extra patience, or extra time. (Sometimes I can explain how airport worksometimes I cantI have a connection to make.)
2) SMOKERS (you nasty bastards) need to be relegated to wearing radiation suits once they come into the secured area.
I dont smoke. I dont want to sit next to a nasty-smelling smoker for 4 hours on a flight.
(I fly Southwest, and they sympathize with people like me. They will make you move if Im seated first and you WILL be embarrassed [its happened before] because NO ONE wants to sit by a smelly smoker.
3) People who STAND UP before the plane doors are opened should be shot on the spot. Why are you standing up, sticking your ass in my face? You cant go anywhere yet, the doors are still sealed!!!
4) Loudly talking on your cell phone in the gated area would be a criminal offense. I dont care how awesome you think your trip to Vegas will be. I dont care how much you love and/or miss you significant otherjust shut up! EVERYONE in the world has text messaginguse that.
5) You average number of flights flown in a month should correspond directly with the number of complementary alcoholic beverages you are allowed.
6) People trying REPEATEDLY to talk to someone who DOESNT WANT to talk should be punished. Being friendly is one thing, being obnoxious is a totally different creature.
7) If you dont listen to the flight attendant when he or she asks you to turn off you electronic devices, he or she should have EVERY right to chop your head off ON THE SPOT. Its federal law to comply with any crew member instructionsthey say it IN THEIR SPIEL!!!!
8) Severe discounts and preferred security line placement should be given to flyers who can recite said spiel from memory.
In case you cant tell, I fly A LOT. And I get it, everyone is new to flying at some time, but geez. Please understand that flying is NOT a complicated process. And if you dont know what to do there is AMPLE signage in every airport that will point you in the right direction.
And if all else fails, ask an employee. But please, leave the seasoned travelers alone. We get tired of your dumb questionswe arent getting paid.
And a little bit of general courtesy will go MILES AND MILES AND MILES.
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