Life lessons from Natalia...

Athletic shorts should only be worn while consuming fried Oreos/watching seasons 1-4 of Lost consecutively/picking up your prescription of Plan B at your local CVS.

Jeggings are a way of life and not a life choice.

Gilda Radner has been and will always be God.

If you cant sexually harass them via textits not worth it.

If a ridiculously hot guy is staring at you two seconds to long, its probably because you have good on your faceso seriously you doyou should probably go wipe that off now.

Work with kidsyoull never want to have unprotected sexever.

Sometimes getting drunk is the only solution.

Judge no onecriticize everythingunless those bitches deserved to be judgedyeah thats right whoreIm talking about you.

People who hate on Hellmans Mayo are not your friends.

Catholic guilt is a very powerful/scary/sexually crazed being.

Speaking of Catholic guiltexorcisms are scary as shit.

Take Dayquil at night trust me.

When your friend is being annoyingly drunkjust put a shot of Nyquil in their drink when they arent looktheyll be out for hoursor days.

Any time you accidently get too high and start seeing auras around the people you are hanging out withtrust the auras. Your inner psyche never lies.

Getting crapped on by a bird is not good luck.

Short shorts and strong legs will always be hot on a dude.

Nothing says, Ive got a big penis like a 1980s Tom Selleck stache.

Emoticons via text/AIM/email is an automatic deal breaker.

Alsohim being a total needy bitch is an automatic deal breaker.

Christ on a crackernutrionally delicious and blasphemous.

We are all the sameexcept some people are cooler and hotterand better at sex.

Remember that dude you had a crush on in high school? Yeah he still doesnt know you existeven if you are the first one to wish him happy birthday on facebook every year.LOVE ME GOD DAMNIT.

Exercising is horseshit.

Bitches that hate on Fleetwood Mac are not your friends.

Overly religious douche bags that defriend you on facebook are not your friendsno seriouslythats what defriending means.

Dudes who say Free Bird should be the new national anthem will be a dude you have sex with and immediately regret it the next day.

Always invest in a shirt with a wolf on it.

Baby mallards are beyond cute.

Mother Nature can suck itbeing it all arrogant and shitstop blowing dust in my eyes, whore!

David Cross is doablebased on his beard alone.