my life a joke...
My life is a joke.
I will never be able to say that enough.yet here I sit utterly exhausted from work/packing up 22 years of my life/popping stress zitstrying to will my way through writing this post without falling asleep. I also may be drunkI dont knowI dont know.
So what do I have to say to you all? What is worth sharing to hundreds of readers?
Today I had a wedgie.
YesIm fivewhateverwedgies fucking exist.
Anywho.
Today I had a wedgie. And it just wouldnt fucking go away. Usually I go commando at workcause free balling is my personal philosophy. However, today I felt like being a little more professional. So I put on undies.
Hence, the wedge of cottonshoved strategically up my ass.
That was my first mistake.
Underwear is the bane of existence. Im pretty sure God did not say and on the 8th dayafter I rest and shitIm going to give you pure cotton/silk/edible under garments to be fashioned to never fit just quite right on your upper left butt cheekyou know the one with the random freckleyeah that butt cheekdeal with it. Asshole.
yeahway to be a dick, metaphorical Jesus.
It would also help, metaphorical Jesuscause obviously this story is all you fucking fault.that maybejust maybenext time you can make sure I dont put my boyshorts on backwards.
Maybe say something like oh hey awesome ladyI know youre super tired from work and shitand maybe from that pound of cake you ate last nightbut you should totally look down right nowas you put on undieswhich btw dont you like never wear undies? Are you trying to impress that one dude again? Cause you kind of look like a lesbian right nowsorryIm JesusI cannot tell a lie. I know. I know. Abe Lincoln said that. Well you know what. That bitch stole that line from me.what a fucking prickand youve just put your undies on backwardsseriously how can you not tell right now. Victoria has got a secretand its shoved up your ass right about now.
I dont know if you know this Jesusbut Im kind of a big deal. So COME ON! Lets not make me look super retardedand allow me the option of not putting my underwear on the wrong fucking way! This is all your fault Jesus.
Oh yes. All knowing. And all powerful, Jesus. Next time. Put my underwear on correctly!
God damnit.
I will never be able to say that enough.yet here I sit utterly exhausted from work/packing up 22 years of my life/popping stress zitstrying to will my way through writing this post without falling asleep. I also may be drunkI dont knowI dont know.
So what do I have to say to you all? What is worth sharing to hundreds of readers?
Today I had a wedgie.
YesIm fivewhateverwedgies fucking exist.
Anywho.
Today I had a wedgie. And it just wouldnt fucking go away. Usually I go commando at workcause free balling is my personal philosophy. However, today I felt like being a little more professional. So I put on undies.
Hence, the wedge of cottonshoved strategically up my ass.
That was my first mistake.
Underwear is the bane of existence. Im pretty sure God did not say and on the 8th dayafter I rest and shitIm going to give you pure cotton/silk/edible under garments to be fashioned to never fit just quite right on your upper left butt cheekyou know the one with the random freckleyeah that butt cheekdeal with it. Asshole.
yeahway to be a dick, metaphorical Jesus.
It would also help, metaphorical Jesuscause obviously this story is all you fucking fault.that maybejust maybenext time you can make sure I dont put my boyshorts on backwards.
Maybe say something like oh hey awesome ladyI know youre super tired from work and shitand maybe from that pound of cake you ate last nightbut you should totally look down right nowas you put on undieswhich btw dont you like never wear undies? Are you trying to impress that one dude again? Cause you kind of look like a lesbian right nowsorryIm JesusI cannot tell a lie. I know. I know. Abe Lincoln said that. Well you know what. That bitch stole that line from me.what a fucking prickand youve just put your undies on backwardsseriously how can you not tell right now. Victoria has got a secretand its shoved up your ass right about now.
I dont know if you know this Jesusbut Im kind of a big deal. So COME ON! Lets not make me look super retardedand allow me the option of not putting my underwear on the wrong fucking way! This is all your fault Jesus.
Oh yes. All knowing. And all powerful, Jesus. Next time. Put my underwear on correctly!
God damnit.
Comments