I hate when people know me better than I know myself...

Well actuallythats not true. People dont know me at all.

Sadly, I know myself very wella little too well. Which is probably why I havent been in a relationship since I was 14I know people dont want to deal with all the crazy shit going up in huuuurrrrrrrr. (Points simultaneously to head and who-hah.)

Side note: Who-hah means vagina.

Any who.

I dont hide anything. I wear all my crazy/weird/socially unacceptable shit on my sleeve.

Well wait. Thats a lie, too. I actually do (attempt to) hide all my crazy/weird/ socially unacceptable from the world/society/white dude who I thought was hitting on me but was actually talking to the hotter chick next to me.

Which means, I am a shit ton crazier than you have already assumed and I just blew your mind.and just blew my chance with ninja mike. God damnit.

Waitwhat type of crazier/more disgusting/socially unacceptable things do you hide from us, pretty lady who is just a literary savant when given a pen an pad, but sounds slightly LD in person?

Hmmm. Well that is a great question, person who just accidently found this blog by a porno typo via Google. That is a great question.

Number 1. Pornwhile yes I have confessed that I do like porn. I have never said which type.and I never will. You are now thinking of the most grotesque porn clip you ever seen. Does she like that?! Maybe I domaybe I do. Or not. You sick fuck. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Number 2. Sexual Fantasies. Even Im a little appalled out by this tidbit of my life.and you are probably still lingering on the previous porn clipgod damn you are disgustingnow do you see why I hide this shit?

Number 3. Common Sense. I have none. Just ask my roommate. Hes about to kill me. Wait Matthow does a light-switch work again?

Number 4. Secret musical pleasures. Have you ever heard the easy vibrations of the Bee Gees? Or KC and the Sunshine band? Fuck. Neither have IhahahahaIm just kiddingwhatever. Fuck you. Just dont look at my Top 25 most played, and no one gets hurt, bitch.

Number 5. What orifice have I not stuck a finger into? That is a good question.

Number 6. How much time I actually spend on facebook.

Number 7. How much time I actually spend eating.

Number 8. Every time I see a person. I ask myself A. Have they had sex yet? B. Would they have sex with me? C. What position would we do? It only takes a couple of seconds... but if I have met you in person before, I have thought this.

Number 9. My unprecedented sexual love for Jim Gaffiganif he would just fucking leave his wife already. BIPPITY BOPPITY BACON!

Number 10. No pants Tuesday type of day is actuallyno pants whenever my roommate is not home type of day.